Perspective From the Other Side

Letter of Reflections to My Past Self, Reading While on the Flight Back From My Last Deployment, 2018

Photo by Roger Ce

Hey Dude,

I know this feels strange. You’re probably picturing Back to the Future and hearing Doc Brown’s voice shouting, “You must never interfere with the past, no matter what!”¹ Don’t worry about that. It’s 2024, and we’ve learned to break all kinds of rules. You’ll understand more as you read, but I promise not to give away all the surprises.

I know where your head is right now. It’s not a good place, and you feel like you’re barely holding it together. That’s why I’m writing, to offer you a glimpse of something you’ve long forgotten: hope. I know you hate that word. I know it feels hollow, maybe even cruel. But one day, you’ll learn to like it again. Not love it, but enough to see its value.

Struggles and Growth

“Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose.” - Viktor Frankl²

I won't sugarcoat it. The road ahead is hard, sometimes brutally so. You'll face lingering pain, betrayals you never saw coming, and nights that feel impossibly long. You'll retire, or at least that's what they'll call it. To you, it will feel less like an ending and more like stepping into an entirely unfamiliar beginning. The realization that you've spent more time in the Marine Corps than you had lived before enlisting will hit you like a ton of bricks. Those years of following and leading, of victories and defeats, will vanish in a moment, leaving behind only memories. That chapter of your life won't be replaced, but it will shrink into the larger story you're just beginning to write (see what I did there? Because you're writing right now. Still got it, corny jokes and all). It will be rough, there's no way around that, and you'll find solace in isolation, not total solitude, but close enough that it becomes your most reliable companion. A space where you can process the weight of everything.

I don’t want to give too much away, but here are two small things. The VA? It’s everything they warned you about, bureaucratic, frustrating, and often cold, though there are fleeting flashes of compassion that remind you not all is lost. Sleep? It remains your enemy, dragging you into the same dark depths every night, filled with the echoes of a past you can’t escape. And yet, somehow, you endure. Not because it gets easier, but because you find something within yourself, a resilience you didn’t know existed, that carries you through even the longest nights.

You’ll find meaning in the suffering. It was always there, waiting for you to see it, like a quiet truth hiding just beyond your reach. This meaning won’t cure the pain or make it disappear, but it will offer you a lifeline, something to hold onto when everything else feels chaotic and senseless. It will come in small, quiet moments, through the books you read, the lessons you learn, and the people you help. Each moment will remind you that even in the darkest times, there is something worth fighting for, a purpose that grounds you and gives you the strength to keep moving forward.

Discoveries and Curiosity

"A man who has become conscious of the absurd is for ever bound to it." - Albert Camus³

The greatest gift you’ll give yourself is curiosity. You’ll rediscover books, consuming them like an addict searching for answers. You’ll dive into philosophy, science, and ideas you thought you had no time for, finding yourself drawn into the minds of thinkers who reshape your understanding of the world. Albert Camus will become a guide through the absurd, challenging everything you thought you knew. His words won’t offer a single path but instead open the door to an infinite space, a place where you can grow, question, and explore. Other philosophers will join him, their words striking like hammers, chipping away at your old self piece by piece. Text after text, paper after paper, essay after essay, you will rebuild yourself, not as someone new, but as someone truer to who you’ve always been.

You’ll also stumble across modern geniuses like Dr. Brian Cox, whose words will completely shift your perspective: “We might be the only place in the Milky Way where consciousness has arisen. And if we are, we have a responsibility to ensure that it continues.”⁴ That single thought will take root, growing into a profound understanding of both the fragility and wonder of life. It will awaken something inside you, a feeling you haven’t had in years. Standing at the edge of the unknown, you’ll feel alive again, filled with awe and driven by the vastness of possibilities. It won’t replace the motivation that kept you deploying and training, but it will offer the best substitute, a new kind of journey, one driven by the pull of the unknown.

When you step over that edge, it will feel like stepping into madness, into chaos and uncertainty. But in that madness, you will find yourself again. Not the perfect self you once chased, but your genuine self. Broken in some ways, whole in others, and undeniably real. This is where your curiosity will lead you, to a version of yourself that thrives not in spite of the unknown, but because of it.

Relationships and Isolation

“A man can be himself only so long as he is alone; and if he does not love solitude, he will not love freedom; for it is only when he is alone that he is really free.” – Arthur Schopenhauer⁵

Here’s the truth: not everyone will understand you. Some will judge you, mock you, even try to tear you down. Friends, strangers, even family—they’ll cast you as the villain in their stories. They’ll cling to their illusions, unwilling to open their minds or ears. They will turn their backs on you and the truths you’ve uncovered. At first, their lack of curiosity will frustrate you, and their chosen ignorance will drive you mad. But over time, you’ll learn to let it go. Eventually, you’ll find peace in simply smiling and waving as you move forward.

You’ll burn bridges, more than you ever thought possible. People you once called brothers will betray you. Family members will turn their backs. You’ll blame yourself for all of it, believing their accusations and allowing them to paint you as the bad guy. The pain will be sharp and immediate, but with time, you’ll see it for what it is: necessary. These endings, as painful as they are, will clear the way for something better. The people who remain in your life will be the ones who truly matter. Your circle will shrink, but in its smaller size, it will grow stronger and more unshakable.

Your daughters will become the center of your universe. They always were, even when you couldn’t find the words or actions to show it. You’ll let your guard down for them in ways you never thought possible, becoming the father they need most. They will need you more than you can imagine, but they’ll also be there for you, even on your darkest days.

Your sweetheart will remain your rock, the foundation you lean on when the world feels unsteady. But now, you’ll find the courage to share with her the things you once kept hidden, the struggles you thought would burden her. You’ll learn to open up in ways you never imagined, and in doing so, you’ll discover her strength surpasses anything you ever knew. In fact, she will prove to be the strongest person you’ve ever known. You’ll still marvel at why she chooses to stay with your dumbass, but she does, unwaveringly. Somehow, she loves you even more for it, embracing your flaws and all.

The Bigger Picture

“In the cosmic perspective, the universe is neither benign nor hostile; it is simply indifferent.” - Carl Sagan⁶

You’ll come to a profound realization: the universe is indifferent to your suffering, but that doesn’t make it meaningless. You’ll find moments of peace in that vast, unpeaceful expanse, understanding that life isn’t about fixing everything or being perfect. It’s about continuing, step by step, because there’s still so much to learn, so much to share.

You’ll help others in ways you never expected. Not by showing them the path, but by walking it yourself. By sharing the drops of truth you’ve uncovered, like medicine for those who are lost. Some will reject it, clinging to their illusions. But others will listen, and in their eyes, you’ll see the same thirst for understanding that drives you. Their perspectives will challenge and enrich your own, expanding your view of the world.

You’ll try countless coping mechanisms. You’ll get really good at woodworking, but it will remain a hobby just for you, a quiet space to create. You’ll try a corporate job, only to find it’s not your path. That world will feel like a pit full of snakes, people playing by arbitrary rules that don’t align with who you are. They’ll try to make you feel small, not because you’re rebellious, but because you don’t conform. You’ll see through their bullshit, the poison they sell without an antidote.

Eventually, you’ll find the right path: researching the human condition. It’s a journey with no boundaries, no restrictions, and no off-limit topics. That freedom will terrify some people. To them, your choice to live authentically in a world that demands conformity is a threat. They’ll try to box you in, but you’ll resist. You will learn that even in an unfree world, you can still choose to live as freely as possible, embracing the absurdity of existence without surrendering to it. Yes, there are rules to follow and taxes to pay, but your defiance will lie in refusing to let those things define you. In this pursuit, you’ll rediscover your own voice, your ability to think freely, and in that, you’ll find what freedom truly means.

Balance and Perspective

“Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun.” – Alan Watts⁷

If I could tell you one thing, it’s this: endure the storm. Identity politics, civilian ignorance to violence, misinformation, disinformation, societal norms that aren’t normal (and who decides what normal is anyway), the chaos of the world around you, and the never-ending siren’s call of social media. It will all feel overwhelming, even maddening at times. You’ll question whether you’ve lost your way or if the world itself has gone insane. But hold the course. Stay true to what you know is real, to the truths you’ve uncovered, even if it makes you an outcast.

Like nature, even the most violent storms will pass. The chaos will balance itself out, and while the world may never return to what it once was, it will find a new equilibrium. You’ll learn to weather the madness, not by shutting it out, but by standing firm in your own values and perspective. You’ll become like a tree, deeply rooted in the ground, able to bend with the wind but not break. Others will look to you as an example, finding strength in your steadiness.

But remember, being rooted doesn’t mean being immovable. It’s okay to be wrong, to admit it, and to grow from it. What’s not okay is standing like a stone out of pride, refusing to change when the truth is clear. Humility and courage are not opposites, they are partners. By living this way, you’ll not only find peace for yourself, but you’ll help others learn to stand their ground too. You’ll show them how to weather the storm without losing themselves.

Final Thoughts

"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." - Friedrich Nietzsche⁸

All this to say: you’re going to be okay, dude. The journey to Christmas 2024 is brutal at times, filled with moments that will test your limits. But every step, every painful, frustrating, and exhausting step, will shape you into someone stronger and more grounded than you ever thought possible. You’ll look back and realize that it wasn’t about reaching some perfect destination; it was about the process, the growth, and the meaning you found along the way.

You’ll learn that it’s okay not to have all the answers, to stumble, to fall, and to get back up again. You’ll see that resilience isn’t about never breaking; it’s about putting yourself back together, piece by piece, in a way that feels authentic. And you’ll learn to forgive yourself, even for the things you thought were unforgivable.

You’ll never stop fighting for what is right and just. Your moral compass will remain steady, guiding you through even the most chaotic times. You’ll fight for others, not because it’s easy, but because it’s who you are. Some men are born to fight, whether they like it or not, and you’ll come to embrace that truth. Your fight will take new forms, ones that reflect the wisdom and purpose you’ve gained.

Oh, and a couple of side notes to keep things light: Texas moves to the SEC, and everyone gets pissed. The Braves? Still letting you down, but you root for them every year anyway. Some things never change. And that’s okay too.

Take care,

Future You

1. “You must never interfere with the past, no matter what!” (Back to the Future. Directed by Robert Zemeckis. Universal Pictures, 1985. 00:34:12).

2. Frankl, V. E. (2006). Man’s search for meaning. Beacon Press. (Original work published 1946)

3. Camus, A. (1991). The myth of Sisyphus (J. O’Brien, Trans.). Vintage International. (Original work published 1942)

4. Cox, B. (Writer & Presenter). (2014). Human Universe: Are We Alone? [TV series episode]. In A. Cohen (Producer), Human Universe. BBC.

5. Schopenhauer, A. (1966). The world as will and representation (E. F. J. Payne, Trans.). Dover Publications. (Original work published 1819)

6. Sagan, C. (1985). Cosmos. Random House.

7. Watts, A. (1973). The book: On the taboo against knowing who you are. Vintage Books.

8. Nietzsche, F. (1968). Twilight of the idols (W. Kaufmann, Trans.). Penguin Books. (Original work published 1888)